She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
