If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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