he thought i was a dude.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
