omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
