By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize