Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
