im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
