Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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