Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
