That's intense
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
