mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
