He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
