This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize