The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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