Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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