I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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