I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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