Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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