hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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