Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
someone owes me an orgasm
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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