Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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