I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Someone signed my nipple.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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