Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
