I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
