shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
