so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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