3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
