Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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