She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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