I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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