wanna go halves on a baby?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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