Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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