he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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