I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
