She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
