I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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