I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
