I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
