We're facebook friends in real life
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
