you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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