dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
