so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
