he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
