1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
