this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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