yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
