moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your penis caused this!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
