dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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