My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
