I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
