a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize