I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
