P.S. I can't hear my feet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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