if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
