yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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