Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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