the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
