Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
