my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
