Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize