It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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