i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
