Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
