You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
