Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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