i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
