that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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