So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
