Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
