Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
