New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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