You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
