she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
