What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
