Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize