God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
