he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
