I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
