you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
