guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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