capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
