So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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