I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sober January is a disaster.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
