i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
