I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize