We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
