I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
