the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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