If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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