Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
