yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize