my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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