whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
