I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
