she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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