i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
