Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
