I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The Olympian is in my bed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
