There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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