Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
