dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
