I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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