shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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