"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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