Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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