How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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